Once every few weeks, I leave the chaos of our evening routine, get in our red mini van, and drive the 60 or so kilometers to Toronto’s Fashion District. I have been doing so for almost a year now.
Eight years ago, it was simply a few minutes walk.
Parking is readily available, I press the numbers on the key pad and wait for the door to click unlocked. The elevator ride still makes my heart flutter. I am welcomed with warm organic teas, something sweet and always, chocolate covered Goji berries. She knows me.
Virginia and I have a connection. Always have.
I am broken. I am strong. I will be whole again.
She spends overtime listening to me and facilitating the conversation. She empathizes, sensitizes. She is a lifeline.
When I return to the road and make my way back to the delicious chaos of our home, I review it all in my mind. I want to print screen my brain; Evernote my thoughts. I want these excruciating and enlightening minutes to be captured and synced forever.
I share with my husband. That helps refresh and store the details.
God gave us all a marvelous psyche. Perhaps the messes we create on earth are a way for us to long for Heaven that much more. I do believe in being the best creation I can possibly be. For myself, for my children, for my friends and family.
Exploring the deepest of my gray matter has been an incredible journey. It has helped control the panic attacks before I am out of control. It has been such a blessing in raising my very spirited and sensitive boys.
I have learned so much about myself, the cause and effects of my behavior. How far can I go? I cannot wait to find out!
I will be whole, again.
Love,
Maman M.
Living Whole 